How do I have longer and more intense orgasms? (Part 1)

In my observation, we are so used to thinking that orgasm and sex have to do with the genitals. And this is only partially true. Why partially?

I find that what we actually do not know is that orgasm is a natural expression of our sensuality. Sensuality is a natural expression of our aliveness.

But what is sensuality?

Most of all when we think about sensuality, or when we hear the word, we imagine couples showing bare skin or beautiful women on magazine covers touching or displaying seductively their bodies.

But, sensuality is actually our connection with our own senses and it is a state of embodiment. Sensuality is being completely tuned into your sensorial experiences moment by moment (through your sight, touch, smell, taste and sound, and completely enjoying it). And that experience changes continuously, as our moods and responses to our environment change. Probably women generally are more aware of their senses, but this is not a rule. I have met some men, who are very tuned into their energy and senses, too.

How does sensuality work and why should we care about it, when it comes to our erotic experience?

Because it magnifies the experience of orgasm a thousand-fold! In this century we are still driven by a model of sexuality and an idea of orgasm, based on quick arousal and brief and intense explosion (which last 3-10 seconds at best). And deep down we know there is much more... (I did!) So, since we have no experience of this other layer, we feel hungry and malnourished. (I did and was restless!) What is missing is actually the whole body and energy system being awake and being 'set up on fire'. But wait! What is that and how do I get there? Our bodies have thousands of nerve endings. And even if the masculine and feminine body function differently, this is true for both men and women. Just touch lightly the sole of your foot with the tip of your fingers or notice how you step on sand in your shoe and you will know what I am talking about...

But this takes time...

Generally, if you watch a sex scene in a movie or you happen to catch a glimpse of a porn movie... (or even some of the neo tantric courses, which are sold now online), you would notice that the average experience of a couple lasts 4-10 minutes; and the tantra experiences (if you happen to watch one) might span up to maximum of 20 minutes. Now we are told that, in the age of Instagram and social media, our attention span has gone down to less than that of gold fish (or less than 6 seconds!) So, this makes sense...

Is this bad? No, it it isn't. It is just very, very limited. And there is much more! We are actually given bodies, which are so sophisticated and have such capacity for expanded energetic experience, for sensuality, pleasure and orgasm, that they resemble a "Bugatti La Voiture Noire" (check it out, this is an 18 million dollar car!!!). And we drive this 'car' as a second hand "Kia Rio LX." And not for any other reason, but because we have no idea what else to do... Who would have thought us?

So, what to do? And how do I know I am moving somewhere?

Well, first, the question is, do you have enough energy? If you are entangled in past trauma, wounding, or still stuck in pain and/or have no idea how your body works (beyond enjoying quick few minutes pleasure with self or partner), there could definitely be more to explore...

But, why does the past matter? And what does it have to do with my orgasm? Well, there is actually no such thing as the past. We are always living in the present. The past is only in our memories (what we perceive to has happened to us). Yet, these memories define our experiences now. They also live in our tissues and energy body. Take a deeper dive into any energy practice or start to move your sexual energy towards expansion and you would have your own experience of this. It will not be just a story...

But wait, I know I these experiences happened to me in the past. Well we all did live our past, and now they are movies in our heads and emotions living in our tissues and energy field... And, if I was hurt by a past partner (or several), there is no way we would be open our current partners. Why? Well, why would I risk being hurt again? And the body is one whole system - mind, energy, tissues, emotions. They are just denser or finer levels of me.

And, we cannot be open to expansive and long lasting orgasms, unless our bodies are open and releaxed, and our energy systems are open and flowing freely. And openness comes with releasing the 'cargo' of our unpleasant experiences. When the experiences are released, then there is no obstruction to the energy adn no defenses and armor on the emotional and physical level. Openness also is a state, which is continuously maintaned when we are being authentic, vulnerable and present with our partners in each moment.

But why all of that? What is the relationship to orgasm? When the energy system is open and flowing and we connect with our partners, orgasm keeps expanding. In fact, there is no need for any technique, positions or efforting. Surrender as a feminine is a natural state, because there are no guards, just continuous opening and deepening. And the masculine feels invited deeper and deeper. And the dance continues.

So, in a nutshell, orgasm is not a purely physical experience, it is an energetic experience and is both trainable and evolving. Its evolution has to do with our own connection with ourselves, as we begin to be more fully present in every moment. And that evolution of deepening and expansion happens as we release the 'cargo' of the past. Then we can also be more aware of and more "in our senses". Thus, we become more aware of actually being sensual. Orgasm is not something, which is 'done to us'. The openness and expansion of orgasm is a reflection of our openness and relaxation to life.

Stay tuned for more on the energetics of orgasm.

Part 2. What happens when you caress your woman for 40 minutes to an hour?...

(Art by Tina Maria Elena, https://tinamariaelena.com/)