Tantric Sex Opens the doors to Menopausal Ecstasy, Intimacy, Rejuvenation and Longevity!

When women enter perimenopasue and menopause, we tend to lose our libido, due to changes in our hormonal levels, which have started in our mid-30s and peak around 50-55 years of age.

Thus, for women, the desire for sexual encounters dwindles and over time completely diminishes. A lot of couples report not having had sex for decades, and if they do, the women are often in pain during penetration and have no lubrication, which creates a very negative experience from the whole sexual encounter. And in addition, the woman's vaginal tissue atrophies, which, combined with the low libido is not conducive to wanting sex and penetration. Traditionally, the man would be initiating sex and would have a higher libido.

But what if we got it all wrong about how sex works after menopause? What if there is also no need for HRT and vaginal suppositories for women to increase lubrication? What if sex could be pleasurable, even ecstatic, we achieve an even deeper connection through it, feel empowered and in addition look better than ever and live longer and healthier?!?!

Sounds like a dream come through, doesn’t it?

Well, this is my experience and the experience of women I am working with in Tantra Alchemy of the Heart: https://tantraalchemy.wixsite.com/alchemyoftheheart/

My husband and I married when I was in my mid forties. I had already seen my mother go through menopause and had been listening to and observing how women age. I found that the model of aging, which I observed, didn’t resonate with me. In addition, as much as I had had pleasurable sensual and sexual experiences in my 30s, I always felt love, connection and depth were missing to the extent I intuitively felt they were possible.

So, I became interested in Daoist, Indian and Neo Tantra and started studying extensively anything from Jade egg to how to ignite and move the sexual energy in more subtle ways, sensitising the body, extending foreplay and orgasm, cervical orgasms and so on. I had my first energy orgasm in my teens, so I knew what was possible, but had no tools. So, Tantra gave me the actual tools on how to experience what I knew was possible and how to go deeper.

I was slowly entering my perimenopause right around the time I met my second husband at a Tantra massage training. We continued together on this journey of deepening together, a journey which was requiring from us to learn a lot about how man and women are different in terms of their sexual energy, how both genders are heavily influenced by childhood patterns, the media and internet in terms of what feels pleasurable and how the sexual act should look.

What we learned through Tantra and how it impacts menopause is that the woman is much slower to build her arousal. I had already observed this for myself, but my partner needed to learn (not from books, but by experience). What Tantra teaches is that what we traditionally considered 'foreplay' is part of the sexual act for a woman.

So, with the understanding that sex is only penetration, usually couples will rush through foreplay, to get into the 'actual sexual act' of penetration. So, in a nutshell, penetration is considered synonymous with sex. However, this way of meeting is not conducive for female arousal. Generally, the female libido is slower to build and lasts longer, while the male is faster to build and burn off. Thus, men want to rush to penetration. In Daoism, which is an ancient tradition, a skilled male lover is one, who knows how to tease the woman into full arousal, which takes 20-45 minute, and knows how to skillfully read the multiple signs of female arousal and readiness. According to ancient texts, a man shouldn't penetrate a woman, before she begs him to. Furthermore, since during menopause the female hormonal levels change dramatically, which affects her lubrication and mood, it is even more crucial for a woman to get enough physical arousal time.

In addition, there are two other important aspects in which a woman differs from a man. Man is visual and as soon as he sees a naked woman, his body would react. His arousal is centered in his genitals and then it spreads to his whole body. It doesn't mean that men are incapable of love, it just means that their arousal is much faster than that of women, because of biological programming. Why this is so, can be a subject to a different article, but there is a lot of research one can read on the subject.

On the other hand, the female arousal is based on heart connection, where her heart opens first, before the body and genitals can be ready. And furthermore, a woman needs to be approached from the periphery of her body towards the center (genitals should be last). So in a nutshell, her genitals should never be approached before she is properly lubricated, which might take from 20 minutes to 45 minutes, depending on the woman. This might need to be helped with a bit of lubricant (at least for a while, until she starts lubricating again, which happens with regular sex).

What does that mean for menopausal women in particular? To wake up a menopausal woman’s sensual sexual energy, a couple can start with gazing, soft touch, gentle massage, and approach the female body from the limbs towards the core of the body. Then the man can caress and gently massage the breasts (the external expression of her heart) and finally slowly approach the genitals. All these elements will open her heart, and when she feels she is not rushed, nothing is expected of her and her heart is open, she feels honored, and her genitals will naturally open.

And then, when penetration happens, it needs to be slow. Thus, the tissues have time to wake up and get further plumped up and lubricated. With this approach, the woman’s tissues will get revived from the atrophy, which naturally happens, if the woman doesn’t engage in penetration.

Last, but not least, the couple can set up tantric (sex) dates, which means there would be regular time and space for physical connection. This will create fun and pleasant anticipation and safety for both the man and the woman. The man would naturally feel good, since sex is on the agenda again and the woman will also have time to prepare, as she knows that it is coming and then she can take care of herself to get ready.

What is it that women need to do to get ready?

For women it is very important to be rested, to make sure they are not getting into the tantric date in a rushed manner, and to have cleared whatever was important for them (i.e. house chores, like cleaning), so they feel relaxed and at ease. In addition, taking a shower with relaxing salts, lighting candles, bringing some colors in the bedroom, wearing beautiful dress and lingerie and/or bringing delights (such as chocolate or wine) and sensual oils for massage would be great. The meeting of the two can start with some time in silence and undressing each other slowly.

There are many things we can do to ignite the spark again. But the essence of it is that while menopause naturally slows down a woman, her desire for heart connection and intimacy doesn’t go away. Just the way to connect with her man changes. Further, the regularity of relaxed intimate encounters would open the couple also to depths, where over time the sex would become ecstatic and deeply nourishing for both the man and the woman, and with the circulation of the hormones, their bodies will start getting rejuvenated. This nourishing connection is also healing for both and extends both partners longevity if practiced regularly.

Whichever of the practices and elements you’d like to try, ensure that they are pleasurable and work for both partners.

This is my experience and learning on the path of tantric sex and connection during menopause.

I hope you would try some of these suggestions. Let me know your experience in the comments. If you like, subscribe to our newsletter and share the blog post.