What is a soulmate? Where to find one?

1. What are soulmates?

A soul mate is somebody who helps us grow into our full potential and with whom (over time) there is complete trust to open deeper and deeper.

2. Why is the idea of soulmates controversial?

Because for us a 'soulmate' is some "dreamy" and "sugar coated" version of ideal mate, with whom we never argue, who foresees our thoughts needs and meets them instantaneously and with whom the love never changes, the sexual attraction stay and expands continuously. Such a human doesn't exist. And if they did, is that any of us? If not, why would we think they are 'out there'?

So, in a nutshell a 'soulmate' in our psyche is an ideal parent, almost god, who continuously focuses on us!

Most of us are not taught by our family how to deal with conflicts (internal and external) and what is the gold nugget in a conflict, which allows us to grow and keep love fresh. Thus, love dies.

3. Is there scientific proof that soulmates exist?

There cannot be. This means that science can prove the existence of a soul. Science is the realm of the physical. Science might be able to prove the hormones, pheromones and electrical signals released with one person vs. another, and the hormonal shifts in the beginning of the relationship vs several (or many years) down the road. But this is as far as it can go. Hopefully one day I can be wrong. But not at this time.

4. How do I recognize my soulmate(s)?

There are two ways to 'tackle' the soulmate journey.

1. One approach would be to surrender to what life brings to us: Thus, we can have many soulmates over a lifetime, as each one is there to teach us something new to teach us about ourselves.

2. The second approach is to realize that we can become soulmates with anybody, with whom we have enough of attraction and chemistry (sexual/physical and emotional), common ground, who is committed to grow together. There are ancient methods, which when practiced by couples can open up the couple as a cauldron to something bigger than ourselves.

5. Why do I find some people more attractive than others?

Because of imprints - maybe they remind you of somebody you know (family member, first boyfriend/girlfriend, unrequited love) or the ideal man / woman in your psyche. For myself, I have always been drawn to men much taller than me. Also, there are many imprints from media of what is considered popular (actors/actresses and models), so these will inevitably imprint most of us, too.

6. Do soulmates always have to be romantic partners? What about friends and family?

No, a soul mate is not a romantic partner. It is somebody who can provoke our growth. However, due to the intensity of the sexual attraction and the potential of the sexual polarity, which is created in an intimate couple, a romantic partner has the deepest impact on us and offers the most potential for evolution and transformation.

7. How many soulmates do I have?

I would keep it in the context of romantic partners and go back to an earlier question, saying you have many soulmates. However, only when you turn back can you see what you learned about yourself and your soul through them, since they are all your mirrors.

Nevertheless, there will be one or two people in your life with whom there was the most transformation, learning and the deepest love and evolution.

Republished from my contribution to "Fraulila" in "Elephant Journal" and "Medium": https://www.elephantjournal.com/2023/06/what-are-soulmates-where-to-find-one/

Written by Milena Dishovska (aka Milena Devi)

Art: Tina Maria Elena